And so it begins

As I sit here in Starbucks drinking a mug of iced caramel chocolate, I began thinking of the upcoming O levels. It was nothing really, except that it was quickly approaching. I haven’t even begun doing revisions on any subjects. The oral tests are next month and I don’t know what to prepare for. Time is thinning out. Now it is not the time to watch the paint dry on the wall. Now it is time to do some hardcore studying. No more procrastinating. Be like the Nike slogan “Just do it!”. But still it is easier said than done.

One hour at Starbucks and still I haven’t found anything to do and write. Can things get any worse? Sigh... So tired and so bored.

What is the point of the O levels anyway?

Why is it so doggone hard?

Why is the O level so important?

Why? Why? Why?

Many questions but so little answers…

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Its tearing me apart.

The ongoing conversation between my mind and my heart.

Mind: So, you've got only a few months to the O's, how's your preparations?

Soul: Well, its getting closer, so I think that I'll kick it up a notch.

Mind: I see. (pauses and takes a breather) I heard that you quite depressed these days.

Soul: Yes, its true, lately I've been down in the dumps.

Mind: And why is that?

Soul: Hm... (sigh) Its 'cuz of this girl.

Mind: Oooo... And how does this girl affect you?

Soul: (immersed into deep thinking) On a day to day basis, due to her I have turned a new leaf. School performance, hmm... it has dropped a bit but not that noticeable.

Mind: Then why are you sad? Does this girl make you depressed? Do you even like the girl?

Soul: Yes I like the girl but its quite complicated to explain.

Mind: I'll try to understand please, pray tell.

Soul: (clears throat) You know that I've only got a couple months here in Surabaya before I go to Singapore.

Mind: Yeah... and???

Soul: I'll put it to you in a nutshell: I have a dilemma (a long pause). I like this girl but if I have a relationship with her it would be quite difficult as I could break her heart as I depart to Singapore. But if I don't have this relationship with this girl then the pain would be a burden to me. Every second that I think about her, its like another ton of sand bag added to my back lengthening my grasp of my goals.

Mind: I've got nothing to say.

Soul: I did a survey and most teenagers told me to do the long distance relationship. But the matured people told me this and I quote"... there are over 6 billion people in this earth. Why do you need to love this girl so much at this early age?"

Mind: Ah... that makes sense... I guess (nod slightly)

Soul: (Deeply sighs) Well, I gotta go study. Catch up with you later.

Family

Family is the people that always looks out for you. Your family would always support you no matter what state you are in. Your friends will not do as much as your family. Your family would go the extra mile just for you. So, given a choice between you and your family, pick your family.

Friends you can pick but family you were put there, like it or not. Friends would pass by but family would stay with you, guiding you the right path, showing you the ropes. You cannot have a best friend forever that is always there for you but your family would always stand firm next to you. This is the true meaning of family.

If you do not understand here is an example: A few years back, my mom was hospitalized in Singapore for 3 months. The first few weeks in the hospital, my mom's friends would visit her and give her some comfort and gifts. But those weeks turned into months and those 'friends' one by one did not show up regularly. It was only my grandmother and my family visiting her every single day for 3 months. Rain or shine, we would always be in the hospital looking after my ill mother.

Still unable to understand let me tell you yet another story: My grandfather had stroke. He is now forced to walk using a walking stick. Life was miserable for my grandfather. Sure the initial months after he was discharged from the hospital was filled with fun. My grandfather going out with his friends to parties and celebrations. But after a year, my grandfather was usually at home, watching old chinese movies. His friends rarely came to my grandfather's house and entertained him.

During times like this, your family is always here for you. Bringing a smile to your face, solving a tough problem, isn't it just great having a family?

Lip gloss

Lip gloss to women, is a treasure that they would always have with them on hand. But lip gloss to men, are just a hunk of junk. They do not want to know about it, and they do not want to use it. As fate has it, I had the 'opportunity' to use it for the SNA got talent show.

Apple flavor.... yuck... The taste just would not get off my mouth. Every word I spoke, every time I had a sip of over chlorinated water the apple flavor would just pop in like uninvited guests and destroy the whole party.

Sure lip gloss gives the wet look but it is like a wolf in a sheep clothing. The audience sees it as a complement to the face and the clothes, but in the eyes of the beholder, it just terrible. Well, to me it is.

I just had an epiphany, why do people wear lip gloss when they know the taste is just plain horrible? I guess its just a sacrifice that they take to make themselves look good. I agree a first impression does give you the up side but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a person that just looks good? That is just plain stupid and so is lip gloss.


Signing off,


The Toddler

A true story

The story that I am about to tell was based on the memories of a boy, a toddler nevertheless who had gone through pain and hardship, thick and thin, rain and shine so please, be grateful for what you have.

One year has 52 weeks or 365 days which is simply put, 8760 hours. You multiply by 60 and you get 525,600 minutes multiply by 60 again you get 31,536,000 seconds. All of this is in one year. That is a long period of time for a person like me to endure and persevere, waiting for that someone to come back to me and lift me up from the ground.

All I heard was “Good-bye, I love you,” and that person left me. That person played a gigantic and important role in my life. That person was the center of my universe, that person gave me joy when I needed it, gave me comfort when I was going through the saddest day of my life. That person was the bright white light in my small, dark, lonely life. Unfortunately that someone was diagnosed with cancer and was predicted to die in a year. That person was my father.

This grave chapter of my life occurred when I was in primary one. My father explored the world scurrying here and there, finding a respectable doctor to treat his incurable disease. Europe, Japan, China, America, these are just some of the countries that my father flocked to locate the perfect doctor.
Meanwhile back home, I never received any news from Dad and Mom. I only got pictures of them touring China, America and other countries. Life was cruel to me. No more going out to eat with Dad. No more car rides with Dad. It was just my grandfather and me alone in the house. I remembered the sleepless nights that I found myself in tears, with no one beside me to console. I cannot seem to picture myself growing up without a father, my father.

Fortunately, he found a suitable doctor closer to home. He was finally cured from cancer and most of all; he is still alive and well. That year I almost lost someone close to me. He literally was staring at death during that year. I was lucky that fate had finally made up to alter the course of my father’s life.

One year has 52 weeks or 365 days which is, simply put, 8760 hours. You multiply by 60 and you get 525,600 minutes multiply by 60 again you get 31,536,000 seconds. All of this is in one year. That year I learned one thing; to live everyday as it was your last and be content of what you have. So next time when you are out spending Daddy’s money, think how much that money could mean to your Dad when he is on his death bed.

Sacrifices and Choices

Would you sacrifice your parents or your spouse?
Would you sacrifice your kids or your spouse?

I have an story for the first example. My mom is a Singaporean and my dad is an Indonesian. She CHOSE to move to Indonesia to be TOGETHER with my dad. She sacrificed her parents to spend time with my dad. So romantic.

The second answer is my kids. I chose this because you have one 'perfect' wife. The next one will have similar characteristics like the first one BUT can NEVER be as good as the first one. My kids will have characteristics from me and my spouse but would not inherit completely everything from my spouse or me. If I have a child again at least I can have some genes from my spouse. But with another wife, then I can't have the genes from the first wife. Which makes me sad.

Life is full of sacrifices and choices. You make some good ones and bad ones and try not to look back. They are filled with advantages and disadvantages. As we are all human, we do not have the psychic powers/ ability to foresee the future thus we are all forced live with the consequences that we made.

First of all, sacrifices and choices are different. A sacrifice can be a choice but a choice cannot be a sacrifice. To me, both makes a significant and humongously huge impact. Without those two, we cannot gain experience and better ourselves. We need to fall down first to learn our mistakes. They are very important in our lives.

Choices to me are simple things. Its like E math, requires little or no thinking whatsoever. Sacrifices are quite complex and requires a profound mind and consumes a lot of time. Its like a car crash, once you crash, you cannot rewind it and try to avoid it. You have to go through it like it or not.

Back the the question:

Would you sacrifice your parents or your spouse?
Would you sacrifice your kids or your spouse?

Its your choice to make. I did how about you?

That special someone...

"If you sit by a fire for a minute, it seemed like an hour. But if you sit with a love for an hour, it seemed like a minute" Albert Einstein.

It seemed that I had been bitten by the love bug or cupid's arrow or what ever you want to call it. No, its not Molly that I am attract to. Its someone - a girl that I do not want to say, to keep the game afoot.

To start with, its sounds kind of cliche but here goes; she was the most beautiful person that I have ever set my eyes on. I felt that time has paused whenever she was in my mind. And whenever I talk to her, the seconds that ticked away seemed like an endless eternity waiting for her reply.

Her intonation, her gentle voice; every single word that came out from her mouth was like listening to a live orchestra - extremely soothing, touching and captivating. Her eyes glistened and sparkled with creativity and imagination. Her face was filled expression and gleaming with enthusiasm and curiosity. Her smooth, black, silky hair often shone under the light.

She is just simply put, hot. Every time she entered a room that I was in, the temperature felt a few degrees higher. She has an aura of peacefulness and "don't worry, its gonna be ok" type of thing. Being with her is indescribable. No words in any language whatsoever can describe the type of feeling I have. No love poem/sayings are noble enough to describe my love towards her. No book is thick enough for me to write how my life meant nothing without her.

My life is like a unfinished jigsaw puzzle - incomplete, not enough, missing one piece. Which was her. But when that missing puzzle piece was joined with the rest, my life would be complete - filled, whole, perfect.

Dear _____, in case if you are reading this, let me tell you that my heart will always be yours. If you fall down, I will be the first person to get you back on your feet. If you cry, I will lend you my shoulder. If you are lonely, I will keep you company even if it means traveling to the ends of the earth. You mean the whole world to me, and I will never let you go...

"She has all the virtues I like and all the vices I admire" Sir Winston Churchill.


If you still can't understand, maybe this song will.


Love,


The toddler